Why Bipolar Individuals Say Hurtful Things and How to Prevent It

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Bipolar disorder is a complex mental health condition characterized by significant mood swings, including episodes of mania and depression. It is estimated that 4.4% of adults in the U.S. have experienced bipolar disorder at some point in their lives.

Communication during these mood swings can be particularly challenging. When experiencing manic or depressive episodes, individuals with bipolar disorder may say things that are out of character, and sometimes hurtful.

The emotional volatility associated with these mood states can lead to expressions of anger or frustration that those on the receiving end may find surprising or difficult to understand.

Understanding Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder causes extreme mood swings including emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depressive episodes).

These mood swings can affect:

  • Sleep
  • Energy
  • Activity
  • Judgment
  • Behavior
  • The ability to think clearly

Types of Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder has different types, and each type has distinct patterns of mood swings and symptoms, which can vary widely in intensity and duration.

Bipolar I DisorderBipolar II DisorderCyclothymia
Involves periods of severe mood episodes from mania to depression. Is a milder form of mood elevation, involving milder episodes of hypomania that alternate with periods of severe depression. Is a mild form of bipolar disorder, with less severe mood swings but they last a longer period of time.

Symptoms and Warning Signs

Depressive episodes might include:

  • Feelings of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness
  • Loss of interest in most activities

Manic episodes in bipolar I disorder involve:

  • Increased self-esteem or grandiosity
  • Decreased need for sleep

Hypomanic episodes in bipolar II disorder include:

  • A clear change in functioning that is not characteristic of the individual
  • Observable by others, but less severe than a manic episode

Recognizing the warning signs of bipolar disorder, such as extreme mood swings or shifts in energy levels, is crucial for early intervention and management.

Why Bipolar Individuals Say Hurtful Things

Saying hurtful things

Individuals with bipolar disorder may say hurtful words due to the various states and episodes associated with their condition. 

These utterances often reflect the extreme emotional states they are experiencing and are not necessarily indicative of their true feelings or intentions.

Manic Episodes

During manic episodes, individuals may exhibit elevated moods, increased irritability, and impulsiveness, which can lead to the expression of hurtful or overly critical comments. 

Research suggests that the increase in energy and decrease in sleep can culminate in lower levels of patience and a higher propensity for frustration.

Additionally, the sense of grandiosity can make them feel justified in their statements, regardless of how they impact others.

Depressive Episodes

In depressive episodes, the overwhelming feelings of sadness, worthlessness, or guilt can cause individuals to withdraw or communicate in a negative or critical manner. 

In this state their perception of themselves and others may become skewed, leading to critical and hurtful remarks.

They might say things that reflect their internal state of despair, inadvertently causing hurt to those around them.

Mixed Episodes

Mixed episodes involve the simultaneous occurrence of symptoms from both manic and depressive episodes, leading to a complex and often unpredictable pattern of behavior. 

The conflicting emotions may create internal turmoil, leading to frustration that is expressed through hurtful words.

The dichotomy of emotions playing out can result in conflicting messages, some of which may be hurtful or misunderstood.

Stress and Triggers

Stressed

External factors such as stress and triggers can exacerbate symptoms of bipolar disorder, affecting communication.

Increased sensitivity to stress can make individuals more reactive and prone to saying things they don’t mean.

When overwhelmed, an individual’s ability to regulate speech and consider the impact of words may be compromised, leading to hurtful statements.

Lack of Insight

At times, individuals with bipolar disorder may exhibit a lack of insight into their condition, known as anosognosia.

This lack of awareness can prevent them from realizing the hurtful nature of their words or understanding the consequences of their verbal outbursts.

Moreover, some may deny the severity of their condition, leading to unfiltered and hurtful expressions.

Medication and Treatment Factors

Medications and other treatment methods can also play a role in communication. Side effects of medication or the process of finding the right treatment balance can affect mood and behavior.

It’s noted that patients striving for treatment adherence may still experience fluctuations that influence their interactions.

8 Tips to Avoid Saying Hurtful Things

Individuals living with bipolar disorder may sometimes say things they later regret during heightened emotional states. Here are specific strategies that can minimize the risk of saying hurtful things.

1. Recognize Triggers

Arguing

It is essential to identify what precipitates impulsive or harmful speech. By understanding emotional triggers, individuals can anticipate and manage potentially volatile situations more effectively.

Some strategies to recognize triggers include:

  • Keep a Mood Journal: Track your daily mood changes, noting any patterns or triggers.
  • Reflect on Past Episodes: Consider past instances when you said hurtful things and identify common triggers or situations.

2. Develop Self-Awareness

Self-awareness allows one to notice shifts in mood or thought patterns that might lead to hurtful comments. Acknowledging these changes early on can be critical in taking steps to prevent them from escalating.

In order to develop self-awareness, individuals can:

  • Regular Check-ins: Take a moment throughout the day to assess your mood and stress levels.
  • Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness meditation or deep-breathing exercises to stay present and aware of your emotions.

3. Pause Before Reacting

Taking a moment to pause when emotions run high can provide a vital buffer against saying something damaging. This simple act offers time to consider the impact of one’s words.

Here are some strategies you can use in your daily life:

  • Count to Ten: When you feel an urge to say something hurtful, take a deep breath and count to ten.
  • Excuse Yourself: If possible, take a short break to calm down before continuing the conversation.

4. Communicate Your Needs

Expressing one’s needs calmly and clearly can prevent misunderstandings. Open communication helps to set boundaries and to articulate when one feels on edge.

By explaining your condition, you can help others understand how it affects your behavior, which can manage expectations and reduce misunderstandings.

5. Practice Self-Care

Engaging in regular self-care activities can reduce stress and improve overall well-being, which in turn can decrease the likelihood of lashing out verbally.

Some activities that can help stabilize your mood include:

  • Healthy Lifestyle: Maintain a balanced diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep.
  • Relaxation Techniques: Incorporate activities like yoga, meditation, or hobbies that help you relax and unwind.

6. Build a Support Network

Support network

Having a solid support network provides a safety net. Friends, family, a therapist, and/or support groups can offer perspective and assistance during challenging times.

Regular communication with trusted individuals can help in identifying early signs of mood changes, allowing for timely interventions before things escalate.

Moreover, a support network can encourage adherence to treatment plans, including medication and therapy, which are essential for managing bipolar symptoms effectively.

7. Plan for High-Stress Situations

Creating a plan for managing high-stress situations can help in navigating them more successfully and reduce the temptation to speak hurtfully.

The plan should include specific coping mechanisms. These might involve deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or taking a short walk to calm down.

8. Practice Forgiveness and Apology

Understanding that mistakes happen and practicing forgiveness and apology reinforces positive patterns of behavior and mends relationships that might have been strained by hurtful words.

Additionally, learning to forgive yourself and apologize sincerely can help repair relationships if you do say something hurtful

When to Seek Therapy?

Therapy

Individuals with bipolar disorder can sometimes say hurtful things during an episode, often as a result of their intense emotions and state of mind.

Recognizing when to seek therapy is crucial for managing these situations and improving overall well-being.

Signs that therapy may be needed include:

  1. Frequent outbursts: If someone is regularly saying things they regret or that harm their relationships, it’s important to seek support.
  2. Feedback from loved ones: If family or friends express concern about one’s behavior or communication, it may be time to consult a professional.
  3. Guilt or remorse: After an outburst, intense feelings of guilt can be a sign that therapeutic intervention might be beneficial.

Therapy can be sought in different forms:

  • Individual Counseling: This can help individuals understand their triggers and learn coping strategies.
  • Group Therapy: Sharing experiences with others facing similar challenges can provide support and insights.
  • Family Therapy: This helps to educate family members and improve communication dynamics.

Benefits of therapy include:

  • Enhanced communication skills
  • Better emotional regulation
  • Improved relationship management

Individuals might consider therapy before reaching a crisis point, as early intervention can prevent the escalation of hurtful communications.

The guidance of a mental health professional is invaluable in establishing a management plan for one’s symptoms and behaviors.

Resources to find a therapist include online therapist directories like Find-a-therapist.com, where you can filter your search and select a therapist that fits your criteria.

Alternatively, you can use online therapy platforms like BetterHelp, which match you with a therapist based on your preferences and needs.

Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently Asked Questions

How does rage manifest in individuals with bipolar disorder?

In individuals with bipolar disorder, rage can present as intense anger or irritability. During manic or hypomanic episodes, this may result in explosive outbursts or extreme frustration over minor issues.

In what ways can bipolar disorder affect interpersonal relationships?

Bipolar disorder can strain relationships through unpredictable mood swings and behaviors. This can include saying hurtful things uncharacteristically during mood episodes, leading to confusion and hurt among loved ones.

How should one respond when pushed away by someone with bipolar disorder?

When someone with bipolar disorder pushes you away, it’s crucial to respond with patience and understanding, recognizing that this behavior is often a symptom of their condition.

Maintaining open communication and setting boundaries is important.

What are the best strategies for dealing with verbal abuse from someone with bipolar disorder?

Dealing with verbal abuse from someone with bipolar disorder requires setting clear boundaries for acceptable behavior and seeking support from mental health professionals.

Self-care and support groups can also be beneficial.

How can one differentiate between manipulation and symptoms of bipolar disorder?

Differentiating between manipulation and symptoms of bipolar disorder can be challenging, but generally, symptoms are consistent with mood episodes, while manipulation tends to be a pattern of behavior used to achieve a specific outcome, regardless of mood.

Can bipolar disorder lead to aggressive behavior towards others?

Yes, bipolar disorder can lead to aggressive behavior towards others, particularly during manic episodes.

This aggression may manifest verbally or physically and often requires professional intervention for the safety of all involved.

References

Hong, J., Reed, C., Novick, D., Haro, J. M., & Aguado, J. (2011). Clinical and economic consequences of medication non-adherence in the treatment of patients with a manic/mixed episode of bipolar disorder: results from the European Mania in Bipolar Longitudinal Evaluation of Medication (EMBLEM) study. Psychiatry research190(1), 110-114. Link.

Proudfoot, J., Doran, J., Manicavasagar, V., & Parker, G. (2011). The precipitants of manic/hypomanic episodes in the context of bipolar disorder: a review. Journal of affective disorders133(3), 381-387. Link.

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About the author

Eliana Galindo
Eliana is a dedicated psychologist from Colombia who has gained extensive experience and made significant contributions in child development, clinical psychology, and rehabilitation psychology. Her work as a rehabilitation psychologist with disabled children has been transformative and compassionate. In the child development field, she creates nurturing environments through assessments, interventions, and collaboration with families. In clinical psychology, she supports individuals overcoming mental health challenges with empathy and evidence-based approaches. Inspired by her experiences, Eliana is motivated to write about mental health, aiming to raise awareness and advocate for a compassionate and inclusive approach to well-being.

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