Are you worried that your relationship is moving too fast but you’re not sure what to do about it?
While it’s absolutely normal to be head over heels for the person you recently started dating, it’s important that you don’t let your new relationship consume you.
The love daze is real and can easily cloud your own judgment, so if you don’t know what signs to watch for or how to slow things down, keep reading!
7 Signs Your Relationship Is Moving Too Fast (That You Should Never Ignore)
It’s easy to think everything is a sign of love in the early stages, but the truth is that some things are just signs your relationship is moving a bit too quickly.
You Don’t Acknowledge Their Flaws
It’s totally normal and can even be healthy to pay more attention to your partner’s good qualities than their flaws. But if you don’t even entertain the thought that they’re imperfect at all, it’s probably time to slow down so you can see things from a more objective perspective.
You’re Prioritizing Feelings Over Everything Else
Feelings are an important part of any relationship, but they’re not the only thing to pay attention to. If you’re more interested in the emotional high that your partner gives you than who they are as a person or who you both are as a couple, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
There’s Love Bombing from Either Person
According to Better Help, love bombing is an excessive, often aggressive way of showing affection for someone. This can look like an overwhelming amount of gifts, lots of overly-affectionate messages, and extravagant gestures.
It may seem harmless and even flattering or loving, but it is usually done as a means to distract you from the other person’s flaws (no matter how normal they are) and unhealthy behaviors.
Of course, it is possible that they’re not necessarily aware that they’re doing it or even when it’s being done to you. Either way, it’s unhealthy and is a sure sign that the relationship is moving too fast and is too intense.
You Haven’t Moved On from an Ex
If you haven’t healed from past relationships or you have significant lingering feelings/what-ifs towards your ex, it’s time to slow things down with your new partner.
It’s important that you’re comfortable on your own after a breakup and have had time to really move on. Otherwise, you may be just trying to fill voids with your new relationship, which can cause issues down the road.
There’s Pressure to Act as a Matured Couple
The beginning stages of relationships are known to be fun, spontaneous, and all about getting to know each other. But a common sign that things are moving too fast is the pressure to act as a matured couple.
If there’s an expectation that you and your partner should be setting dates far in the future, going to every family gathering together, and so forth, slow down.
You’re Losing Your Identity and Sense of Self
Romance has a way of totally engulfing you, which feels great at first but can turn into a loss of identity if you’re not careful. It’s important to remain your own person and have a life outside of the relationship.
If you feel like you’re not yourself anymore or like you’ve lost all of your independence and individuality, it’s a sign that your relationship is moving too fast. The same thing applies if you find it hard to make decisions (especially individualized and personal ones) without your partners input.
This isn’t to say that you should act like you’re single or shouldn’t be considerate of your partner, but there can be a healthy balance between the two.
There’s a Lack of Boundaries
If you’re starting to feel smothered in your relationship, there’s likely a lack of boundaries. Things like texting or calling 24/7, taking on the other person’s problems and emotions in an unhealthy way, and saying yes when you want to say no are just a few examples that your relationship lacks boundaries.
The longer the relationship goes on, the harder it is to adjust boundaries and expectations, so now is the time to address them. A lack of boundaries is definitely a sign that you and your partner need to slow down and evaluate things.
What Should You Do if Your Relationship is Moving Too Fast?
Be Honest with Yourself (and Trust Your Gut)
The first step to addressing your speedy relationship is to just be honest with yourself and actually trust what your gut is telling you. Whatever feelings and thoughts you have are there for a reason, so take them into consideration and don’t repress them.
Take some time to figure out your true feelings, worries, thoughts, and goals about the new relationship and your partner. Then decide what it is that you want from your relationship and how you want to show up for your partner.
If you’re still unsure about everything and you’re not ready to discuss things with your partner, consider counseling or journaling. Both can help you identify your true feelings and help you think more clearly so you know how to bring it up with your significant other.
Have a Conversation With Your Partner
You may not be comfortable bringing up your concerns with your signature other, but it’s important to be open and have an honest conversation with them. When you’re aware of your concerns and are ready to talk about them, let your partner know.
Tell them how you feel about the relationship and why you think it’s important to address any of the signs from above. Be clear and compassionate, and avoid using accusatory language. And of course, be open to hearing their side of things, too. They may be caught off guard so your understanding will go a long way.
It’s also important to recognize why the relationship is fast-paced to begin with. There could be underlying anxiety, insecurities, or not knowing what a healthy relationship looks like. We all bring our own baggage to the table and sometimes it causes us to rush things more than we’re comfortable with.
How to Slow Things Down
Maybe you want to take it slow physically, emotionally, or in some other way. Define what areas of your relationship are moving too fast and go from there.
Every relationship is different, but here are some general ideas that show you how to slow things down.
Spend Less Time Together
Spending less time together can give both of you room to breathe and make it even more meaningful when you do get together. Use the time apart to invest in yourself and nurture the other relationships in your life.
And yes, this also means not blowing up each other’s phones when you’re apart. After all, what’s the point of intentionally spending less time together when you’re still in constant contact?
Regulate Your Own Emotions and Meet Your Own Needs
It’s all too easy to expect our partners to take on our own problems and emotions as theirs, and assume they’ll help you meet your needs. But the truth is that you are the only one responsible for maintaining your wellbeing and taking responsibility for your feelings. This is especially true for managing those emotional highs you find yourself getting lost in that make you want to throw all reason and logic out.
Learning to regulate your own emotions (especially the ones that make you want to jump all in and fast-track your relationship) is another way you can slow things down, primarily on the emotional front.
Limit Physical Intimacy
Moving too fast sexually can make an already rushed relationship even messier and confusing. Limiting your physical intimacy, especially if it’s an area that makes you uncomfortable, can help set a more appropriate pace. Plus, it might just make it even more exciting when you and your partner are ready to take the next step physically.
Don’t Make Any Big Plans or Commitments
Only you can decide what a big plan or commitment looks like. Some general things that you might want to avoid are making plans to move in together, getting engaged, moving to another city to be closer to each other, meeting their family, adopting a pet together, or even agreeing to go to a big event in the far future.
This doesn’t mean you’ll never talk about the future, but there’s no reason to push each other to an imaginary finish line. Focus on having fun while you’re getting to know them for right now.
Go On Group Dates
If you feel like you and your partner are too intimate this early on in the relationship, go on more group dates with each other’s friends. They tend to be more casual and less intense than one-on-one dates.
A bonus is that you get to see how your friends and partner get along and even get their opinion on your new significant other (if you trust and care about their opinion, that is).
Set Boundaries and Expectations
Boundaries and expectations are the foundation of a healthy relationship and are ultimately how you set the pace. Most couples don’t know how to properly manage expectations in their relationship, especially in the beginning. But if you want to slow things down without confusing each other or causing hurt feelings, this is something that you can’t skip.
Maybe you both decide that it’s best to see each other less, so you set the boundary of getting together on the weekends instead of every night. Discuss things with your partner and come to an agreement that feels good and then hold both of you accountable to these boundaries.
If you and your partner want to stay together and slow things down, then just enjoy the fondness you have for each other and have fun!
Just remember that while the honeymoon phase is normal and should be enjoyed, it shouldn’t become your entire life. A healthy balance is key to a healthy, potentially long-lasting relationship!