If you identify as a woman who loves other women romantically or sexually, there might be a point in time when you will consider seeing a lesbian sex therapist.
Lesbian sex therapists can help you and your partner rekindle the spark in the bedroom, and improve your relationship more broadly.
In this article, we’ve looked at two online services to help you connect with a lesbian sex therapist.
Want to skip right to the suggestions for lesbian sex therapists? Here are our 2 recommended therapy solutions:
Best lesbian sex therapist services
Finding a good psychologist or licensed therapist can prove difficult. Finding one who understands LGBTIQ issues, and who can help with sexual problems, is even more challenging.
Below, we’ve looked at three platforms that can connect you with qualified, licensed lesbian sex therapists.
Overall, Pride Counseling seems to be the winner of all these platforms – they work mostly with individuals. ReGain might be a better solution if you are looking for relationship or marital counseling specifically.
1. Pride Counseling
Pride Counseling
- Online therapy to the LGBTQ community
- Phone, video therapy sessions and messaging
- Pricing: starting at $60/week
PROS
- Therapists specialize in providing LGBTQIA+ affirming support
- All therapists have at minimum 3 years and 1,000 hours of experience
- Owned and operated by BetterHelp - ensuring the high quality services
- Option to apply for financial aid
CONS
- Available only for adults 18+
- Does not work with any insurance providers
- Cannot diagnose or prescribe medication
This online therapy provider connects clients in the gay and lesbian community to licensed counselors specializing in LGBT issues, including relationship and sex-related challenges.
Finding a therapist via Pride Counseling is easy. You simply set up your account using your email, and answer some basic questions about who you are and what you need. After, a counselor will be assigned to you, helping you get started with minimal hassle.
If you don’t feel comfortable with the counselor you’ve been assigned, you can change therapist with just a few clicks. Pride Counseling also matches you with someone from the LGBT community, ensuring that your counselor will be in a good position to understand your specific issues.
They also provide different ways to connect with your psychologist, which is quite useful. Apart from your regular phone calls or video sessions with your counselor, you can also reach them via text message. This ensures you can share any thoughts or feelings you have throughout the week, while they’re still fresh in your mind.
Pride Counseling pricing is often cheaper than in-person therapy, making it a more budget-friendly way to speak about these issues, although it’s unlikely to be covered by your health insurance. Further, this service is adaptable to your schedule – you can book in at a time that works for you, including outside of business hours, so you don’t have to take time off work if you don’t want to.
2. ReGain
ReGain
- Online relationship therapy platform
- Both for individuals or couples seeking therapy for relationship or marital issues
- Pricing: starting at $60/week
PROS
- Counselors specialized in relationship counseling
- Unlimited messaging and 24/7 access to your counselor
- Easy to use, secure and private platform
- Owned and operated by BetterHelp - ensuring the high quality services
CONS
- Clunky website and a lot of start-up questions
- Cannot provide mental health diagnoses or prescribe medication
- Does not work with any insurance providers
ReGain is a great option if you and your lesbian partner are looking to get help together. If your sexual issues are related to your relationship/marriage more broadly, or you’d just prefer to get help with your partner, ReGain is a good choice.
This website has a focus on relationships and intimacy counseling. Not all of their counselors specialize in LGBT issues, but you can easily find a therapist with experience helping lesbian couples.
As with Pride Counseling, you begin by making an account and answering some questions through an online form. If you want to, you may invite your partner to join the sessions. In the case of couples therapy, you will share one account, and can get in contact via video/phone calls and chat messages. You will both have access to text messages with your therapist.
ReGain is a great choice for couples therapy. However, if you have a long-distance relationship, this platform might not be the best option, as you can not add a third device to the video sessions.
A good thing about ReGain is prices for couple therapy are the same as those for individual therapy. In-person therapists sometimes charge a higher price if you bring your partner.
Why look for a specialist in lesbian sex therapy?
If your relationship is facing a sexual problem and you or your partner’s mental/sexual health is suffering as a result, it could be worth seeing a specialist.
To get help, you could seek out a regular sex therapist, however these professionals might not have the right knowledge or experience in how lesbian couples express themselves sexually.
Here are some of the reasons to look for a lesbian sex therapist specifically.
Lesbian sex therapists are better at analyzing LGBT issues
Lesbian ladies can have problems in the bedroom for a number of different reasons. Factors such as social issues, cultural elements, and your psyche could be the underlying cause of your sexual issues.
It might also be that you internalize sociocultural standards, leading to difficulties with your sexual experience. We even see a gap in sexual research, which is often performed by men and focuses on heterosexual relationships.
A counselor focused on lesbian issues can help to provide clarity in this area. Some of the issues that lesbian couples face aren’t typically experienced in a heterosexual relationship.
Regular therapy is sometimes focused on heterosexual norms of sexuality
In previous years, loving a same-sex partner was often seen as taboo – before 1975 homosexuality was even classified as a mental illness.
These days, we understand that there is a wide sexual orientation continuum, and identifying as gay/lesbian is perfectly normal.
Still, heterosexual norms have an impact on how some people define their own life, even though they are lesbian. These norms can have an impact on how you express your gender identity and sexual orientation.
Some counselors still see heterosexuality as the norm, and may therefore misunderstand the issue you’re facing. They may analyze your situation from a heterosexual perspective.
If you can find a good therapist who focuses on gay/lesbian relationships specifically, they will understand how to help you and your partner.
How to choose the right lesbian sex therapist
This may seem obvious to some, but the first thing to know is to avoid conversion therapy. These practices are dangerous and unethical. If your therapist makes you feel like your sexual orientation is an illness, you should terminate the service and look for another provider.
It is important to choose a therapist that is open-minded and specializes in these issues. Search for someone experienced with LGBT-related sexual issues, and don’t be afraid to ask them about the specific issue you’re trying to solve. This will help you ensure you hire someone who knows how to help you.
Other things to look out for when selecting a therapist include board licensing by your state. This ensures that you can find a quality provider with the right experience and knowledge. Licensing is available for clinical social workers, psychologists, sexologists, marriage and family therapists, and professional counselors.
It’s also a good idea to select someone sex-positive and LGBT supportive. As mentioned before, if your therapist tries to convert you into being more heterosexual, it is time to look for a different counselor.
Problems that can be solved with lesbian sex therapy
Lesbian sex therapy can help to address a number of different issues.
A problem that lesbians sometimes face is what some researchers describe as “lesbian bed death”. This often means a complete cessation of sex in the relationship. Relationships with bed death can still be very intimate, but sexual desire and initiative is non-existent from one or both parties.
While regular sex therapists can surely empathize if you struggle with low sexual interest or drive, they might not be as knowledgeable about this issue in the context of a lesbian relationship.
Some women believe that less desire might be because of biological factors (asynchronous cycles or menopause), external stressors, having a symbiotic relationship or just being too similar and losing sex drive as a result.
Reduced initiative might be because these roles are less fixed in their relationships in comparison to heterosexual relationships. Some women also report that even though they do desire sex, they won’t show initiative as they are not sure their partner wants to do it and they don’t want to be rejected (or don’t want to pressure their partner into it).
Whatever the issue, your counselor can help you and your partner get the to bottom of it.
Other common issues that lesbian therapists can help with include:
- The relationship between your sexual orientation and your gender conformity. A therapist can help you define the difference between these aspects, and you can explore this in a safe space.
- A difference between sexual needs in a monogamous relationship.
- Being lesbian while being a part of a minority culture or a certain religion where being LGBT is not tolerated.
- Coming out, and the effect of this on your loved ones. After accepting your sexual orientation, it is usual to also share this with your family or friends and adjust. Finding a supportive network can be essential for your mental health.
- Stigma and discrimination may lead lesbians to internalize shame or prejudice about their sexuality. This might impact your self-esteem, mood, and potentially cause psychological distress. Further, such shame might stop some people from exploring their intimate or sexual side fully.
Conclusion
In short, if you have issues related to your sexual drive, orientation, or identity, it’s a good idea to search for help. Online platforms can be a great help to process your past trauma and answer questions about how to resolve lesbian sex issues.
Still not sure how to get help? Feel free to leave a comment below, and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can.
