Does your relationship need a tune up? Does it seem that other relationships are closer than yours? Well there are several things that you can do to keep your relationship tuned up and get the intimacy you want in your relationship.
One thing that will improve your relationship is to treat your partner with the same kindness and respect that you would your boss or your best friend. You can also give your relationship a booster by doing some of the same things you did when you first fell in love. Was it giving flowers, saying, "I love you," giving cards, etc.?
Spending time alone together is also critical. It's so easy to get caught up in life, especially when careers and children take up our time. Many couples who come in for couples counseling or relationship counseling do so because they have lost touch with each other, and have not nurtured their relationship over time. It is important to spend time alone at least 2 times a month. Going out on a weekly basis is ideal.
Hug or kiss your partner when you say hello or goodbye. It will make him or her feel loved and special.
Meal time is also important. Put away the phone, turn off the TV, and do not read at the table. It is important to have meal time together as a way to connect and share your day with one another.
Research shows that those whose marriages last the longest have been able to separate from their families of origin and have healthy boundaries.
When addressing conflict be sure to begin with "I" statements and then express your feelings. When you start with the word "You", the other person is put on the offensive. For example, instead of saying, "Why didn't you call me to tell me you were going to be late? Say, "I was really worried about you as I was afraid something happened to you. Would you please call me next time if you know you are going to be late?" Remember the response you get depends on how you word your concern and the tone in your voice.
I hope you have found these tips to be helpful.
Please contact me if you or someone you know is struggling in their relationship.
Debbie Grammas, Ph.D.